"all i know is what i'm missing.."

haven't been back in weston a week, and already i am hideously homesick. i was sorting through all my shit when i couldn't sleep last night, and read my birthday cards from everyone and i just started crying. i miss my mum. so much. there's a lot of shit going on there but i'm not going to get into it now, i can't. i just really miss her right now. when i went back home, she was saying how broke she is at the moment. i thought me moving out would have helped her situation somewhat, but apparently, i've made things worse. then when i came back to weston, my aunty was saying how broke she is. so apparently, i've made things worse for her as well. i think i'm having one of those weeks where it feels like everything's my fault. and in a way, i know it's a really self-indulgent way to view things, and i know i'm feeling sorry for myself. but knowing all that is only making me feel worse to be honest.
Anyway. i did say i wasn't going to use this blog to moan about my shitty life anymore. moaning on the internet makes me feel like a 13 year old emo. i may as well be applying heavy eyeliner and listening to My Chemical Romance.
it's moments like this that just make me want to eat the contents of the fridge. luckily at the moment, that wouldn't be very much. instead of doing that, i'm sat here listening to depressing westlife songs that remind me of my best friend, who is currently in new zealand for 3 months. DWELLER. almost certain this won't make me feel better. whatevs


i miss her.

i think i'm just being a bit of a pussy after 2 weeks at home. now that i've come back, none of it seems real anymore. it's a bit like i never moved. i'm just half expecting to pack up all my shit in a week or so and go back home to my mama.
i think part of me feeling like this is because i don't really think i have anyone to talk to about this shit. and i doubt i'll find anyone to talk to about it anytime soon, if ever. still..
i'll always have these guys..


...rock on. ¬_¬