Wednesday, 21 April 2010

who i've been is not who i am; who i am is not who i want to be.

i think my mum has finally realised i am actually moving this year. i've been talking about it for literally MONTHS and ive involved her in all my plans and yet she seems angry at me. which is a bit sad but life goes on. i need to move.

i am quite excited to like, start again and suchlike. new college, new course, new directions.. new friends. new courtney. i have decided i am going to transform myself into who i always wanted to be. the girl who's come from far away and doesn't have any friends. doesn't talk much. on my lunch breaks, perhaps ill just sit on a bench by myself smoking a cigarette and reading dorothy parker. i want to seem mysterious. i've never been mysterious.

it's been so sunny recently. lush. it makes me think of something 'someone' once said to me. he said "the sun makes me think of you" and i asked why, and he said "think of how the sun makes you feel. you are that feeling." that's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me. we don't talk anymore, and that makes me sad. but. again. life goes on. and back to my big move! i want to get back into reading, and literature and what not cos i used to really love it, but i feel like i left that part of me behind a bit. for reasons unknown even to me. this is my chance to be who i really want to be. and i'm going to take it :)

anyway at the moment i'm reading the colour purple. because i love the film and it's just a really nice story isn't it? bit gutted that the book doesn't have the sistah song in it, but still. recommending it none the less.

you and me, us never part
you and me, us have one heart
ain't no ocean, ain't no sea
keep my sistah 'way from me

(i dont know what makidada means, but it sounds nice. and i love my sister)

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